Steve in Haiti - the halfway point

Hello Friends:

I said at the end of my last blog that I would have more contemplative thoughts.  Well, by mid-day tomorrow, April 9th, it will be my halfway point of my time in Haiti.  I have been asking God to speak into my life in a fresh way.  As I flew to Haiti, I was listening to my IPod and the words of Brandon Heath.......

GIVE ME YOUR EYES

Looked down from a broken sky

Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?
Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
(emphasis is mine)
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
Bridge
I've Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance

To see the way you see the people all along
*****************************************
Some of the contrasts here are heart and head bending.  Last night I had the privilege of having dinner with Christon, the World Concern Haiti Country Director, Elias, the WCH Emergency Director and a Kiwi from New Zealand, named Ian.  Ian used to be the WC Country Director for Sri Lanka and is here in Haiti in an emergency capacity with Tear Fund New Zealand.  He and his team are rebuilding schools and homes in the high country above PaP, using local labor and creating jobs.  We were at a Latin Restaurant that would rival most restaurant ambiance and decor in Seattle or any other US city.  And right across the street must have been a park that is now wall to wall tents with poor Haitians struggling to survive - and we are having a very nice dinner.  Still mind bending for me.

I do want to see the people here the way God sees them. 

Then I read this the other day:

"One author speaks of an 'existential ache' that permeates every human spirit, a kind of unnamed pain inside, deep within us, a restlessness, an anxiety, a sense of 'all aloneness' that calls out to us.  ....... It is a persistent longing in us and it happens because we are human.  It is as strongly present in us as autumn is present in the cycle of the seasons (except in Haiti).  I believe this ache is within us because we are composed of both physical and spiritual dimensions.  Our body belongs to the earth but our spirit does not.  Our final home is not here, though 'here' is where we are meant to be transformed by treasuring, reverencing,and growing through our human journey.  No matter how good the 'good earth' is, there is always a part of us that is yearning and longing, quietly crying out for the true homeland where life is no longer difficult or unfair."  From "Praying Our Goodbyes", by Joyce Rupp

Those words I exaggerated above are what I pray for the Haitian people.  Most of them knew life as difficult and unfair BEFORE the earthquake, much less what they know now.  And I want them to know Jesus so that this can be true for them - that they can go "home" to that place with no more sorrows and tears.........where life is no longer difficult or unfair.

And then I think of my employment situation, or lack thereof.  I might have said to myself in the last 24 hours that my life is " difficult and a little unfair"  And then I think of my Haitian brothers and sisters and then I feel guilty for ever having the thoughts.........

Finally there is this thing called finding a job.  I have applied for at least 30 jobs over the last few months and I have received a few, "we are not going to pursue you" and one "let's talk on the phone if your willing to make less money that they are paying you on unemployment."  And the rest are at best, "Thanks for submitting a resume.  Don't call us, we'll call you."  Then here comes another song from Brandon Heath,

WAIT AND SEE
Chorus
There is hope, for me yet

Because God won't forget
All the plans he's made for me
I have to wait and see
He's not finished with me yet
He's not finished with me yet
Bridge
Still wondering why I'm here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He's up to something
And the farther on I go
I've seen enough to know that I'm not here for nothing
He's up to something
Verse
So here's my time to be a man,
Follow my heart as far as I can
No tellin' where I'm ending up tonight
I never slow down or so it seems
But singing my heart is one of my dreams
All I gotta do is hold on tight
Chorus
There is hope, for me yet
Because God won't forget
All the plans he's made for me
I have to wait and see
He's not finished with me yet
He's not finished with me yet
He's not finished with me yet
He's not finished with me yet
***************************************************

I love these words and I think I believe them.  I must confess though my head agrees that

"God won't forget,

All the plans he's made for me
I have to wait and see
He's not finished with me yet"

my heart wonders if there is something to come.  I don't think I am wrestling with fear - but more like doubt.  (And yet I rejoice at Matt's acceptance to Boston U and how God has blessed his path; and how, it appears that Joe and Alison may be able to buy a home they are excited about - after maybe these same doubts.)

Patty reminded me tonight that on several occasions these past two months, as we have shared this interval in my professional journey, instead of the traditional, "oh, I am sorry to hear that you are having to look for a job!", people have said to us, "Oh Great!  Now you will get to see the Lord move in wonderful and mysterious ways!" 

I want to embrace that exciting thought.  Maybe that is why I am here - but I am very far from sure. 

Thanks for reading, thanks for thinking of me, thanks for praying if you so incline yourself.  TTFN